I was just thinking that I really only talk to three people in the whole world. I really want to make more friends (outside the workplace ) but, with my schedule, what choice do I have? Who goes out on week nights, anyway? My weekend is on Tuesday and Wednesday. Tuesday is generally my errand day and I go to bed early Wednesday night. It’s so damn frustrating.

I had a long day, so I wind down by watching political movies. The above Duck Soupwas one, followed by The Great Dictator, and will be followed later by Dr. Strangelove.

I was wondering about a personal problem of mine when I started to chat with my first ex-girlfriend. I was hoping to talk to her about it when I asked how she was doing. She revealed to me that her current boyfriend died. He got into a car crash with a drunk driver, and was in surgery when he got an infection and died.

As the son of an alcoholic, I wonder how close I came to this fate (I can count twice off the top of my head where I came close.) and sympathize with those who do. This is only magnified by the fact that this happened to a person for whom I care so deeply. Our problems are so trivial when this perspective is added.

This may seem a cliche, but take heed lest it affect someone close to you: DON’T DRINK AND DRIVE!!!

I just found out that my ex-girlfriend is losing her kids. She is losing them to the state of Illinois because of some pervert she met long before me.

I have never met these children. This is mostly because I have a strict policy about meeting the children of single mothers that I date. Simply put, I don’t meet kids right away because I don’t want them to become too attached in case we didn’t work out. Such was the case this time; we only went out for three or four months.

All of this didn’t stop me from thinking of those kids as my own. I always have; as such, it feels as if I am losing my own. However, as miserable as I feel, I know for a fact she feels 20 times worse because they were her own.

Now, I am afraid of what is going through her mind. Those kids- and the hope of getting them back- were the only things keeping her together as long as I have known her. I just hope that she doesn’t do anything to put herself in harm.

I hope she can pull herself together. I also hope that those kids turn out fine. All I can do is hope here, yet I know that won’t be enough.

In closing, I can only say one thing: Au revoir les enfants.

Ever get the feeling that some opportunities are so big you never understand them until it is too late? I think I have that feeling now. This may just be how I feel at this moment, but I think I missed many opportunities at finding that other half.

I am only 25 years old, but I feel that my best years are behind me as far as finding love is concerned. In high school, I was that weird combination of smart and popular. Women spoke to me all the time, but I was always afraid that I would say something wrong. That fear would paralyze me then and, though to a lesser degree, continues to do so with women.

It’s not so much that I am afraid of rejection. I have laughed in its face my entire life. I’m just afraid that if I reveal too much, I will never find Ms. Right.

I am typing this with the feeling of emptiness. At this stage, I am deathly afraid that I will never find the right woman. When my father was my age, he was already married (though it failed) and had me. I’m not saying that I want to be like him, but finding someone would be nice.